Losing yourself in a relationship

Couple, Happy, Man, Love, Romance, HugWhen two people get together and start a relationship, they could both have their own life. There is going to be how one person likes spend to their life and then there is going to be how the other person likes to devote their life.


Through being together, certain elements of their life are naturally going to change, while there will be other elements that won’t. What is clear is that they won’t have as much time as they did before to focus on certain needs, and this is because they’ll spend a certain amount of time with another person.

Adding Something Different

Still, this isn’t to say that being in a relationship will be something that will have a negative effect on their life.

There will be the physical needs that they’re able to meet, as well the psychological needs. They may even be at the stage in their life where they’re ready start a family, so this is another need that they will be able to fulfil.

Healthful Dependence

And, through having someone in their life that they can depend on, it can make it a lot easier for them to achieve their targets and to be their very best self. The support that the other person gives them may allow them to reach out for things that they would not have reached out for before.

What this comes down to is that no one is their own island; they want others so as to function at their very best. Ultimately, both of these people are going to be a team, and this is what will allow them to be stronger together.

Two Parts

Having said this, if they didn’t have their own life, as well as what they do together, this would not be true. This is the reason it will be essential for them to be sure they don’t forget what they were doing before they got together – which is, of course, unless it pertains to something that is no longer suitable.

Their connection will add to who they are, which makes it easier for them to perform at their best when they aren’t together, and what they do when they aren’t together will increase the relationship. Both parts of the life are then likely to be important.

A Vital Part

If they were not able to continue to listen to others areas of their life, their relationship would be radically different. However, the reason they can concentrate on others areas of their life, despite the fact that they are with someone, is likely be due to the fact that they have good boundaries.

Both of them will know where they begin and end, and where the other begins and ends. This will enable them to maintain their sense of self, while being able to share who they are with another person.

Another Scenario

This does not mean that there’ll never lose who they are; what it means is that this isn’t going to be the standard. While this is how some relationships will be, there will be plenty of others who will function differently.

There are going to be relationships where one person ends up doing exactly what another person wants them to perform, together with what they think they want them to do.

Out of Touch

One of them is then going to act as though they are only an extension of their partner. Their partner is then not going to be another part of the world – they will be the center of their world.

Their behaviour will have gradually changed to accommodate the other person’s needs, and it is naturally likely to cause them to neglect themselves. So, as the days, weeks and months went by, they would have gradually become estranged from their true-self.

The Main Purpose

Their main priority, once they met this individual, may have been to do whatever they could to please them. This is likely to have been something they were not fully aware of.

Pleasing another person will then have made them feel great in the beginning, yet there’s the chance that their psychological state has changed as time has passed. When they are with this person, they may be accustomed to feeling trapped, powerless, Centurian Pest Control, helpless, and angry, amongst other things.

What’s happening?

What this is likely to show is that they believe it is dangerous for them to main who they are when they get close to another person. Disconnecting from who they are and focusing on another’s persons needs is what will feel safe.

As one is an adult it can be tough to comprehend why this would be the case; after all, it is not as if they need this individual to survive. Hoverer, the reason they act in this way as an adult is likely to be due to what took place during their early years.


This may have been a time in their life when they needed to concentrate on their caregiver’s needs, with their needs being overlooked. If they hadn’t of done this, they might have been abandoned or even hurt.

In addition to this, it would have caused them to think they need to concentrate on others people’s needs in order to survive.


Behaving in this way could have kept them alive as a kid but now they are an adult, it causing them to suffer unnecessarily. Their needs are just as important as anyone else’s needs.

Teacher, Prolific writer, author, and trainer, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness.


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